Why “Silence is NOT Golden” – My Story

Ok so this really has nothing to do with tea but mostly to do with the people that drink tea.

* Warning – I am probably writing this when I shouldn’t since I am a bit emotional at the moment.  Sometimes I find relief in writing and so I thought why not drag you tea friends into it for some of your thoughts.

What a day for mixed emotions.  My husband and I are celebrating our 15th Wedding Anniversary in our most usual custom, apart.  Of course being apart isn’t by choice but rather been a part of our lives together from the start.  First, because of duty and now because of career.   Many of you, if not all of you know keeping a marriage together can be a difficult yet rewarding task but not without its lumps.   About 5 or so months ago my husband and I had one of those rather large lumps, of those you had better learn how to climb a mountain or dig a path through one if you plan on making it through this.  Before your imaginations run wild, there was no matter of infidelity involved so we best let that thought go.  This was one of those “growing apart” and “having children changes things” situations.

~ Just follow me through this rather drawn out story.  I must set a proper scene to get you to where I am going.  Thanks for being  patient. ~

We were one of those couples that rarely argued.  I mean we had little fights and disagreements but not the big fights we were always were helping our other friends work out. Trust me, I took pride in knowing that we got along so well.  At least until that one fateful day my world as I knew it came to an end.  Seems I was living a lie.  It was all a dream.  I was obviously in shock, denial, and so many other mixed emotions but what came to me as the biggest surprise is that I was ok with it.  For brief moments I felt if I lost it all that would be fine.  It was so odd, I thought why wasn’t I fighting?  I thought did my subconscience know something  I didn’t?  Needless to say it was a confusing time.

At this time I allowed myself to find comfort in my friends and family.  It is something I NEVER do. I am a private person and my problems are my own.  However,  this time I felt it was different.  I felt it was time I spoke with my family and friends about what had happened.  I always hated burdening others with my drama.  I used to put little value in myself, my feelings, and always put everyone else before me.

~ Boy, even I hope I know where I am going with this. ~

So after about a week of  indecision, upset stomach, thoughts of nothing but what would happen to us, and our family.  We finally had or BIGGEST argument ever.  Even bigger than our initial conversation about how he felt about me, about us.  I won’t go into the naughty tidbits but lets just say this… It ran into the wee daylight hours, involved him taking a long walk and getting lost, and a couple of nice gentlemen in uniforms.  (At this time I’d like to inform all of you there was NO physical violence, so please do not let your imaginations run wild)

That fight was a revelation for both of us. We discovered  neither of us were truly being honest with each other or even ourselves.   One did one thing for another thinking that’s what they wanted while the other really didn’t even like what it was.  “Silence is Golden” does not apply to relationships people.

After we struggled for a couple of months we dedicated ourselves to always be open and honest with each other no matter what.  As a result of what started as a fight and ended as a happy realization that we do love each other deeply we are more committed now than we even were from the start.  We haven’t been this close in all our years of marriage.  I’ve even got him drinking tea.


Today I celebrated my 15 year marriage.

Today I want you to celebrate all the wonderful relationships you have and could have as I remember Milly.  A sweet gal that made me laugh and kept me wanting.

I wanted to bring you my story because of Milly and all the other people in our lives that mean so much to us and haven’t told.  I know we all have simalar stories of our own.  Sometimes,  however we forget to tell those people closest to us or even those we only know because of the Internet just how much we care.   Our time is short, spend it wisely.


Rachel 🙂

  7 comments for “Why “Silence is NOT Golden” – My Story

  1. 25 Jan ’12 at 4:00 am

    You are a very, very wise woman. Thank you for being brave enough to share this. I used to find myself reticent to argue because I was afraid. I feared that an argument signaled a serious problem; it was sure to make cracks in the relationship’s very foundation. These arguments would be stored up in people’s minds and held against me forever. I have now learned that these conflicts sometimes signal a level of trust — You can argue and still love one another. Arguing doesn’t mean anyone is going anywhere or wants to go anywhere. I wish you well. I hope you have a lifetime of love and happiness.

  2. 25 Jan ’12 at 4:03 am

    Thank you for sharing your story. It takes courage to do so. I think the real test of a couple is making it through something like that.

  3. 25 Jan ’12 at 4:10 am

    Thank you for sharing this. It can be difficult to share such private things with us. I know it can be hard. I’m glad to see you both worked through it and are now celebrating 15 yrs! Here’s to 15 more!!

  4. 25 Jan ’12 at 4:19 am

    Truly courageous post and not about “tea” though all about tea. Relationships are challenging. I try to join my hubby on his trips whenever I can. I just came back from one, it was my birthday trip I was happy to be there although he had to work and I had my big birthday dinner alone. I was happy to be there with him. It’s the love that gets us all through the difficult times or the times when things aren’t as we would like them. It’s been great getting to know you through the internet and hopefully we will meet in person one day.

  5. 25 Jan ’12 at 4:44 am

    I’ve never been married – it’s probably out of the cards at this point – but I heard a divorcee once say, “Don’t stop talking to one another.”

    Glad to see a second support for that way of thinking.

  6. 25 Jan ’12 at 10:12 pm

    Great piece, Rachel. Well done. Much to think about

  7. 25 Jan ’12 at 10:28 pm

    I fully agree with you: the only way to build a long lasting relation is to speak and be honest.
    Building something on silence and lies is not the best way to make it last.

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