A Personal Journey – Crossroads

* This post is personal and unrelated to tea. Please stop here if not interested. 

I am THRILLED today. I was OBSESSING and I mean super duper unhealthy obsessing over the last few pounds I needed lose to get to my arbitrary goal. Through the love and care of my friends and family (you know who you are) I was able to refocus and get back onto my original plan. I myself noticed I was making some rather unhealthy decisions. I was cutting calories and exercising too much. I am and have always been an over achiever. I do not take to failure well, I do NOT fail.  It was the way I was raised.  However, I was starting to feel like a failure. I was so blind to getting to my “number” goal I forgot all the reasons I started this journey and was focusing far too much on this one goal it had taken over my every thought. You would think the fact I had lost 90lbs was something to celebrate but not me. I was acting like these few pounds I needed to lose was what I needed to be happy, to officially consider myself a success.  Clearly I was delusional. Apparently a common side effect of those that have come as far as I have.  I am just happy I was able to identify the issue within myself and address it before it went too far.

Here is the back story.  I noticed something was wrong last week and had a conversation with a few of my loved ones (again you know who you are) and by logically (yes logically it is the way my brain works hence my Vulcan comparisons in past conversation) thinking things through I decided this path I was taking wasn’t sustainable. I NEVER agreed on dieting. My plan was always to make a lifestyle change. It needed to be realistic, healthy, and sustainable indefinitely. Basically, I still wanted my “cake and eat it too” but in balanced moderation. That was not happening for about a month or so.

Now I am happy to report that I am back on course. What is worse is my doctor already said I was successful but I wouldn’t hear it.  Losing more became an obsession.  I am back to enjoying myself and still maintaining a “healthy” lifestyle with all the things I love in moderation. I am happier, more relaxed, and my every thought isn’t consumed with how much I still want to lose.  Now I am back to focusing on being being healthier, fit, tone, and the rest will naturally fall into place.  It is how I lost the first 90lbs and it is the way I will lose the last 10lbs or whatever my body decides is healthy for me.

I am not going to lie it is likely I will go astray but with the help of my friends, family, posts like these, and any other place I discuss my daily adventures I will find my way back.  I am fortunate to have a lot of support and that is truly one of the biggest reasons I am a success.

I WILL have my half & half, I WILL have my wine and cocktails, I WILL eat cake at birthday parties or delicious popcorn like I did yesterday.  I just won’t eat the whole bag no matter how much I want to.  I didn’t start this journey to kill myself and to be miserable. I started this journey to find a place where I can love everything and not over indulge anything. Aside from all my lovely friends and family of course.  I will love you all more than anything, no limits.

I know a lot of you can’t stand my posts about my workouts, what healthy food I am eating next, and FitBit statistics, or My Fitness Pal information I share but understand I do these things to help me stay on the right path. These are tools I use to help me achieve my health goals. If you don’t like them please by all means ignore them. If you do like them then cheer me on. The more I have on “Team Rachel” the more excited I get and the more driven I am to achieve my goals.  I am at the stage in my life where I’m ready to shed some toxic relationships.  I just don’t have the room for those types of relationships anymore.  I am not mad at you.  You just no longer have a place in my life and my heart.  Toxic people are damaging and poisonous.  They spread quicker, faster, and poison your life.  I just don’t need that.  I hope you understand.  If you don’t understand then you know why I cut you out of my life.  That makes sense right?  Luckily, most everyone made the cut.  The tea community is by far the most kind and supportive.  I am a lucky girl!

SURPRISE ENDING: After getting back to the basics and not “sweating the small stuff” I have starting to lose weight again. Things are happening again and it is because I started making better choices. I started respecting my body again and listening carefully to the messages it was sending me.  I have been getting fewer low blood sugar issues which proves I am back on the right path.

Thank you all for your support.