A Glimpse, Choices, and Reality
*Note: Not a tea post. Move on if that is what you are looking for and if you are I totally get it but hey you may still enjoy this post just pair it along side a puerh. I promise you’ll get why once you read through.
Emotional! The world has changed so much for me over these past ten months. Of course there is the biggest part or shall I say now the smallest part. Losing nearly hundred pounds of yourself is a pretty big deal. Of course I am thrilled for my success but truthfully I am still me. If it weren’t for the countless applications I use such as my FitBit, My Fitness Pal, and even my WiFi scale the Aria I may not even believe I’ve lost as much as I have. You’d think the occasional glimpse in the mirror would be all the reminder I needed. Unfortunately, when you have spent so much time being one way it is often hard to see yourself as another. Nevertheless, I am working on grasping onto my new reality. I know I am determined to stay healthy, fit, and most definitely happy lifestyle. I just think I will need more time until I believe this has happened. Though now that I am free of all my long term health problems I had before I lost the weight it looks like I have plenty of time to acclimate to the new me. At least more time that I most likely would have had if I had kept to my old way of life.
Here are a few things people don’t tell you when you lose so much weight. It is can be a bit sad, confusing, and frustrating. For one I am discovering some friends aren’t really my friends. I feel I have alienated people or that people find me a threat because I have been successful where so many have not. I get it but I never saw it coming. I always imagined my friendships would be stronger. I thought those friends would be happy for me. I know I talk about my success. I don’t know why this is a negative. My current situation is the biggest thing to happen to me. Yes, I have other huge events in my life such as giving birth to my two miracles and finding a husband I love most days. I jest, I love him always. However, this is what is happening right now. Put yourself into my position. Would you not shout at the top of your lungs that you are now free of terminal illness? Free of all the excess weight that could match the combined weight of both my children? Is this not a big enough accomplishment to always be conscience of and show excitement over?
It has been from my experience that some people appear offended by my success. Perhaps they feel I need to be more modest? Try to be a bit more nonchalant about the whole thing. On the up side some find my journey worth following. People tell me I am inspiration. I find this situation to be equally puzzling. However, this is clearly a much more pleasant outcome. However, I have noticed that those I inspire most are not my oldest of friends. They are new people I have met or people I knew but not well or very long. However, they have taken notice of my life choices and the results therein have now since taken to befriend me and become closer. That is fantastic. I truly feel I am in a new position in my life where I may be able to help others. I didn’t start this for anyone else other than myself and by extension my children.
The question is should I do my part to help others? Am I an expert now? To answer the first question…Yes and to the second a solid… NO! I will never be an expert. I am always learning and I don’t think anyone can say they are truly experts.
I have been approached by many people. People that say I’ve been inspiring them, people complementing on my new physique, and asking me what my “secret” is. Some of these people are perfect strangers that have approached me. People that have obviously noticed me and have been watching my progress. People I personally didn’t notice, noticing me.
My point is that I need to make a decision. I need to find a way to approach this situation. I am at a crossroads of sorts. I do believe I have a lot to offer but I also feel I have a lot to learn. Though is it possible that I can learn from those I inspire? I believe the answer is…absolutely.
Making this commitment to help others is a pretty big for me. However, I feel it is right. Weight loss isn’t just pounds. I have learned weight loss is also a change in your prospective on life . It is equally mental as it is physical. Right now the biggest change for me is accepting I have lost some friendships. It is a hard reality but it has to be done. Some old friendships too which makes it even more difficult. Losing weight does change you. You start to see some of the external reasons you were overweight to begin with. Sometimes we settle as people. We feel we have the best we can get because we sometimes define our self worth based on body image. It is a fact. However, I will no longer make that mistake. If I am to inspire I will need to do more than lose weight and go to the gym. This is a complete transformation. If I want my children to grow up strong and confident members of society it needs to start at home. I need, want, must be an example of a person they can look up to. Someone they can be proud of.
Be prepared for when you start to shed the pounds you may start to shed other parts of your former self as well. Food isn’t the only culprit for your overweight life style. In fact you’ll find it is just a small part. Today I am going to be brave. I am going to be honest with myself and move forward. It starts with pride. It starts with teaching my children that it is ok to be proud of yourself. We don’t have to downplay our success to make others feel better about themselves. Though, I will teach them to do this with humility. We will not brag or make a ourselves appear better than others. But no longer will I be sorry for what I have done or be embarrassed. The next time I get a compliment I will not shy away or downplay this huge achievement. With pride I will express my appreciation of their kind words and give in return a smile and an honest thank you.
Now begins day one of my new promise to myself. I will not stop myself from discovering who the new might be and in no way will I apologize for who I am. I will not put so much emphasis or weight into what others think of me. I have discovered with in myself that I often cared to much what others thought of me than I had previsiously realized. As for friends, I will make new friends…real friends. It might take a while but the best things in life are worth waiting for. I have always said it is all about quality not quantity. After all great things take time just like a fine puerh, it is worth the waiting for.